// the daily grind //

some days require more conscious effort to be positive and optimistic than others. i really should track the number of times these fall on a monday for me so i can begin to work out a more targeted solution. on this particular monday though the friction was caused by a series of little things, a set of minor details and non-events to be honest that i would have shrugged off on any other day. of course, less than ideal sleeping habits over the weekend never set the stage for anything good.

// space and civility //

the train at 5:15 in the afternoon is a radically different space than it is just thirty minutes before. a slow start begot a slow end to my day so i caught the train at a low point (on its own version of a monday). while pressed against backs and other body parts, with elbows lodged into places i really would have rather not had them lodged into, with sweat and snippets of phone conversations shared and mixed i thought about how manners demanded space and how that seeped into language. cold and civilized are tied to a notion of distance. these are nowhere to be found in cramped spaces, in hot and humid  vestibules with intimacy imposed.

// triviality and the (f)utility of emotions //

sometimes i wonder why it’s so easy to get worked up about things that have absolutely no bearing on the grand scheme of anything. are misplaced emotions but intangible appendixes floating around in the universe? what are they for? and can they be removed surgically once they begin to foment infection and disease?

//unhappy marriage of reason and feeling //

while i rage against stifling trivialities on days like these, there is always a distant voice of reason that calls for an end to such self-indulgence. my worries and anxieties are almost always ill-founded and are a privilege in their own way (slightly higher up maslow’s hierarchy that they need to be dislodged every now and then). it’s tempting to quash that voice on some days.

// rainbows //

even on bad days, perspective must be called for and the silver linings found. as i typed that, the metal at the sole of my shoe began to show (silver lining?) but oh well. it’s day 19 of my listing reasons to be grateful and i’m not quite ready to see that die off prematurely. today’s set:

  • to hard-earned progress on faraway goals
  • to happy mail and paper love
  • to comfort and empathy from loved ones tossed around like a well-worn ball
  • to being able to leave early enough that i get to experience the beginning of the  rush hour /nightmare and not the middle
  • to the green plant that sits on my desk that grew a few centimeters since it was last measured
  • to the baby nephew that greeted me home with a smile

it’s the small things 🙂


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