Recent events have made me question my happiness at work and overall satisfaction with what I do on a daily basis to a point of near-obsession. I hope that this predilection towards dissecting emotional events exhaustively and intensely fades away with age but for now I can only try to rein in the bad habit.
Certain themes reappear again and again though that I think deserve more reflection — namely, the importance of autonomy, the elusive nature of engagement and the connection between work and self-identity.
Stripping away the outward trappings of the job, I take comfort in the fact that at a fundamental level, we are all working toward a common goal: carving out a better society, chipping away at the corrupt and inefficient, even if at a microcosmic scale. We just differ (sometimes markedly) on the how of it.
At its core, the frustration finds its roots in the struggle to create something of meaning, to forge something of value to some individual or some higher goal. I hope one day that desire is satisfied somewhat and that what I do day in, day out matters. For now, I just need to remind myself to keep my head low, hope to advance my center’s agenda and push on.